


And When The World Falls, He Will Rise

by ghostbfxx



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: :), Author is trans, But it's not that sad, Getting Together, Idk how to tag things, M/M, Metaphors, Mild Dysphoria, Sort Of, Trans Character, Trans Jonah Magnus, Trans Male Character, but i guess you wouldn't be reading this if you didn't know things about jonah, don't use corsets as binders, getting together more like barnabas becoming one of jonah's suitors, i had a lot of fun writing this, it's just for the time period, jonah being jonah, lots of eye metaphors, mordechai robert and albrecht are just mentioned, most of this was based on dumb trans poems i wrote, not sure if this actually counts as fluff, nvm this really isn't fluff, probably not, sad things are mentioned, sometimes life sucks and you write about evil tma men, spoilers for jonah related episodes, they talk about death, this is very self-indulgent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:20:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24845947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghostbfxx/pseuds/ghostbfxx
Summary: Jonah had always despised being seen, so it was not a surprise that he ended up working for The Eye. However, there were points in his life, where he did not mind as much as he usually would have.
Relationships: Barnabas Bennett/Jonah Magnus
Comments: 4
Kudos: 11





	And When The World Falls, He Will Rise

Being seen was such a truly horrifying ordeal that it filled Jonah with a sense of dread. He would always feel that they would somehow know if they just looked hard enough.  
That they would look at Jonah and make their own versions of him in their heads, versions that were so different from who he really was.  
The way they used to see him, before he left to pursue what he really wanted, was so utterly wrong that it made him laugh. How could they have been so blind not to see who he really was?

In all honesty, It was quite annoying and he felt they did not have the right to think of him the way they had done. Of course, he had never actively done anything to stop it, he had not been keen on losing potential money sources. He knew that if he wanted to achieve his goals, he we would need to do what was necessary. 

Jonah had always had big plans, even back then when he hadn't been aware of any of the entities.  
He had played along, had learned how to very early, along with how to hide if necessary.  
It filled him with pride to know how far he had come and that he would never have to hide again.  
After he cut ties with his family and sought out a tailor who specialized in modifying corsets, it all got a little bit easier. He realized that the people he met were no longer staring at him rudely, but rather with respect.  
Of course he did not miss the hushed whispers of admiration either. Here and there people would find themselves at an event where they would often end up spending the whole afternoon listening to him talk. 

He soon realized that getting sponsors for the institute was not too difficult, considering what people would do for a little bit of his attention. Some of the people who worked for him truly believed they were special to him and he let them believe it for as long as they proved to be useful.  
Mordechai Lukas, for example, was quite the interesting individual and provided a nice amount of money, unlike Albrecht von Closen who became more and more of a bore the more time passed.  
It got him closer to his goals, but they were still moving too slowly. When talking to his many supporters he always seemed calm and collected, but underneath he was restless. Jonah wanted this done quickly and he would do what he had to. 

Unfortunately there was a bit of a delay, which admittedly, was his fault.

He was at an art Gala when he first met him.  
The Gala itself was incredibly boring, so Jonah spent most of his time sipping champagne and charming the guests. Words of praise were thrown at him and many suggested they leave the Gala together to "have a far more pleasant evening".  
None of them showed any real interest in his institute, however, or any real promise they would be useful so he politely declined their requests.  
These Gala’s turned out to be a waste of time more often than not. At least his social status and popularity helped him get invited to these type of events, events he would have to pay quite a sum to attend. No, he needed that money for the institute.

Jonah had almost decided to leave, considering he had been here for a few hours already and he seemed to get nothing out of it, when he caught a young man's eye. 

The other seemed to freeze in place as soon as they locked eyes.  
He seemed out of place and rather nervous for someone who had the money or social status to attend a Gala such as this.  
Usually Jonah’s sponsors approached him first, but this man seemed like he would rather disappear into the earth than be here.  
Naturally, Jonah was not going to pass up on an opportunity that might lead to the man ending up as one of his sponsors.

He turned to the many men and women surrounding him and smiled at them.  
“I apologize for I have to excuse myself from this lovely gathering. I must discuss business with a potential client. However, I will return shortly.” Some of the people giggled and made “polite” jokes about his business tactics, knowing very well they were involved in these.  
He did not plan on returning.

With that he turned his back around and made his way over to the man he had spotted earlier, who was still staring at him. Some would consider it rude and before he had cut ties with his family, he would have despised it. He did not want people to look at him and make assumptions. He had always looked rather fragile, even though he had never been. They looked at him and he could practically see what they were thinking. He somehow would just know. He had known how they thought of him. He had known that no matter how many times he would prove to them that he was not someone to be trifled with, they would always think of him as someone he simply was not.  
He basked in the knowledge that if they could see him now they would never doubt him ever again. He would allow them to see how far he has come and he would pretend to be thankful for their lovely compliments and their admiration. Though, they would not be of use to him after that, so he would not pay them a lot of attention. 

On his way over he grabbed another glass of champagne to offer the other.  
The young man was still very obviously staring at him and watched him walk towards him.  
Predictable. Once Jonah caught someone’s eye they never tried to leave, quite the opposite actually. 

Normally, his "sponsors" came to him and offered things in return for his company, but this time Jonah was the one to seek out the other. A bit less predictable, but not unusual.  
Jonah could see the other man nervously play with the buttons of his vest. Interesting.  
He was now standing directly in front of him.  
Jonah opened his mouth to start a conversation, but before he could say anything the other blurted out “You’re Jonah Magnus.”  
Jonah smiled slightly and nodded. “Indeed I am.” He lightly took the other’s hand and pressed a kiss to his knuckles. It was amusing to see how easily flustered the other became.  
Not knowing how to react, the man stammered out the words “Barnabas Bennett, pleased to meet you.”  
This was going to be fun. 

-

Barnabas had quickly become a trusted member of his circle of confidants and supporters.  
After having introduced him to the others and his goals for the institute, Barnabas has become very loyal over the course of a few months.  
Originally he was not too sure how to feel about the whole situation, but was soon convinced by Jonah’s obvious interest in the matter. 

They had started a letter correspondence soon after they had first met. It was mostly about trivial things such as how they had been, what books they liked, what they thought of the last gallery they both attended. Common things. Things Jonah did not want to talk about, but did anyway to build trust.  
The monthly letters turned into weekly ones very quickly and he was invited to dinners with Jonah’s confidants. He even let him accompany him to his tailor once. Barnabas seemed to enjoy doing things that would Jonah make feel good about himself, or what he assumed would make Jonah happy.  
And it was true, Jonah was...very pleased that Barnabas did not mind this little detail, as he would have had to remove him from the project had that been the case. He did like Barnabas’ support. Not all of his confidants had been as supportive as Barnabas. 

Jonah could admit that he had grown rather fond of the man and he had thought about it for a while, coming to the conclusion that it was probably time to tell Barnabas what he was really doing.  
He decided to send him a letter to invite him to his home in order to have a chance to explain everything.  
When he got a letter in response, Jonah could imagine Barnabas smiling a wide smile, while writing as fast as possible, very well. He always seemed rather easy to excite or make happy. Jonah also found Barnabas to be naive, but knew not to underestimate the other purely based on his behaviour around himself. 

Not shortly after Jonah had introduced Barnabas to his other business partners, said man had gotten into an argument with Mordechai Lukas. He was not sure what exactly it was about, as it had not seemed very interesting and he had not bothered to ask. Jonah only hoped that this would not compromise their work and help with the institute. 

His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the door knocker hitting his front door. Normally, he would not bother to get the door himself, but this time he already found himself in front of it, one hand on the door handle.  
Jonah opened the door and was greeted by an already smiling Barnabas.  
“My friend, it is so good to see you again!”, he said. “I hope you have been in good health?”  
Jonah quickly pulled him in for a light embrace. “I have been, I certainly hope you have been as well.” 

He did not particularly like touch. He knew it was necessary in some cases to earn the other person’s trust, but if he had the option, he would avoid it at all cost. There was just something incredibly uncomfortable about being touched (or seen) that made his skin burn. He did not understand how anyone could be alright with being touched by strangers.  
Of course he did still touch other people as it was usually perceived as a positive gesture and helped him earn their favour. And money and support were still his priorities. He would sometimes sacrifice his own comfort for the institute. 

Touching their hands always felt too intimate and warm. It felt like he was being trapped by the warmth and his own skin. In addition to that, he often feared they would know just by holding his hand. Like they would know and see.  
He could not let that happen. Jonah would prevent that at all cost. 

Interestingly enough, he did not seem to mind physical contact with Barnabas as much, perhaps it was because he always seemed much more gentle than any of the others. He simply did not feel as if embracing Barnabas was a task he had to fulfill, instead he did it out of his own wish to hold the other just a little closer. 

Jonah invited Barnabas in and took his coat. He then led him to the drawing room and pointed for him to sit on the Chesterfield couch. Barnabas accepted still smiling and moved to sit down. Jonah himself picked up the two cups of tea he had had prepared and offered them to the other. “I hope you enjoy Darjeeling.”  
Barnabas thanked him. “I certainly do.” He shifted slightly to face Jonah who was now sitting across from him, sipping his own tea.  
They sat in comfortable silence, both enjoying their tea for a while. 

Jonah appreciated this about his friend. He did like talking about his ideas for the institute, but more often than he would prefer, people resorted to asking him all kinds of questions. Mostly of the rude type.

Jonah could sense that Barnabas wanted to ask why he had asked him to come, but he refrained from doing so, at least for now.  
There were a lot of things about Barnabas that Jonah wished for others to share. It was simply exhausting to talk to your everyday noble man. They all thought of themselves as the most important people alive and it only made them all the more unpleasant to be around. They did not even know how insignificant they were to the whole of it. Most of them had no idea what was happening right in front of their noses and yet they had the audacity to make themselves out to be the “hero”, if there even was such a thing.  
Yes, conversations with these people were always troublesome and quite frankly, boring. 

Barnabas instead, was always humble and instead of asking too many unnecessary questions, listened. He did not think of himself as unique either, Jonah knew that much. He could not help, but think that he was wrong. Barnabas seemed ordinary enough and did not offer much in regards of own ideas (not to say that he was not a creative person, quite the opposite, in his letters he always proposed the most interesting things, in person, however, he preferred to follow other’s ideas. Maybe he felt it would bother others to offer his own opinions), yet he, as a person, had such a different effect on Jonah than all the others.  
It was a question of comfort.  
Jonah did not trust any of his confidants as much as he should, but Jonah did not trust easily in general, so it was not much of a surprise. Actually enjoying Barnabas’ company, however? Very surprising for Jonah himself. Of course it did not mean anything and was simply a little entertainment he allowed himself. 

Jonah had kept Barnabas waiting long enough and decided it was time to signal him to ask away by nodding his head.  
Barnabas sighed out loud and gave him yet another smile. “You know how much I appreciate us being able to meet, but I can’t help but feel that you did not invite me here simply to see me, Jonah.” He paused for a second. “At least I believe that not to be the whole reason.” 

Jonah liked the way Barnabas said his name, always full of such admiration, but nothing of the shallow sort his other companions would. It sounded much more sincere than any praise or compliments he had ever gotten.

Barnabas tugged at the buttons of his shirt, Jonah noticed. He had seen him do this quite often and Barnabas seemed to be a very nervous individual in general. It had been some time since Jonah had last noticed him do it, probably a result of his growing trust.  
Jonah nodded again. “You are right, I asked you here to discuss something I have wanted to discuss with you for quite some time, but I only now imagined you would be ready to hear what I have to say.”  
Barnabas only started fidgeting more, saying nothing.  
“As you already know, my institute is supposed to be a place for collecting certain research and knowledge. Knowledge can be a strong asset in a world that advances and evolves constantly, so it would be of utmost importance to collect as much information as possible.” Jonah saw Barnabas lean forward slightly, a sign of interest.

“I have told you it would be for the collection of experiences, however, I did not specify which type of experiences and I understand that you might question the legitimacy of my institute, but I promise you that this is one of the most serious topics we could possibly learn about.”

Jonah put down his cup of tea and Barnabas followed. He knew the other could decide to stop supporting his cause, it wouldn’t be unusual, others before him have decided to leave before. This time was just like the other times and yet he felt it was just a little bit more important than he was used to. Barnabas was a valuable asset to the institute and therefore to Jonah. That is probably why he felt it might be more important. 

“There are things out there that we do not understand.” He paused again to watch Barnabas’ reaction, but he just continued listening, eyes widening a bit.  
“Robert Smirke, Mordechai Lukas and I are currently researching so called “entities of fear”. They take form of what we are the most scared of. We believe it is possible to become “involved” with an entity. Our encounters with these people have led us to come to the conclusion that different types of entities can offer us a certain kind of power, one that could be powerful enough to overcome death itself. Barnabas, these fears are what haunt us in the night, the things that make us disappear mysteriously or kill us in our sleep. I know you might not believe in them right now, but they are very much real.” Jonah concluded, looking the other straight in the eye.  
He figured that now might be a good time to switch to the Chesterfield and offer Barnabas his support. This was a shocking revelation and he might need it. 

Jonah sat down next to him and offered him his hand.  
Barnabas looked at it quizzically for a second, before gladly accepting it, carefully intertwining their hands. He looked up from their hands, to look at Jonah instead. Jonah who had offered him the knowledge he would only give his most trusted. The knowledge that might allow him to survive.  
“I know.”

In all honesty, Jonah was not too surprised. He had expected Barnabas to notice the things that were off, he was very bright after all. And much more observant than he let on.  
“I’ve known for quite some time, I mean really, Jonah,”, Barnabas laughed quietly, “I had already encountered very strange things before we even met. And I thought you had noticed when I overheard you and Lukas talk. I thought that maybe you had let me listen in on purpose.”

Jonah thought back to the conversation, truth be told, he was aware of Barnabas’ presence, but did not think much of it, much less think he would actually listen in. Not that it mattered. It would have made no difference to him all the same. Whether Barnabas knew or not, truly did not matter at that time. Perhaps Mordechai’s and Barnabas’ argument made more sense now or they simply did not get along. Jonah did not particularly want to ask about it.

“I see,” is all Jonah said. There was really nothing to be said. Barnabas had accepted the whole situation without complaint, which would be helpful in upcoming situations involving the entities. Yes. There was nothing more to be said.

Yet Jonah felt relieved. Relieved that Barnabas did not leave him.  
He reached his other hand out to touch the other’s cheek, doing so slowly enough for the other to pull away, had he misinterpreted Barnabas’ behaviour.  
Barnabas did not move away and instead leaned into the touch.

“I am…”, Jonah lightly gave their intertwined hands a squeeze, “happy you are alright with my interest in the supernatural. I appreciate it.”

“I do immensely enjoy your company, I hope you know that. And Jonah,” Barnabas leaned forward just a little bit. “I can’t pretend to understand what you are feeling or what you are thinking, but I hope it is enough for you to know that I see you. I see you and I believe you can achieve great things.”

Huh. That was certainly interesting. Many have confessed their love to Jonah and he has even said the dreaded words to others as well. Purely to gain their trust of course, after all, people are always more likely to act in your interests if they feel loved.  
This was different. Barnabas had not mentioned love, but he knew that it was, because as he looked into Barnabas’ eyes, all he could see was complete understanding. It truly seemed like Barnabas was seeing him. Seeing him for who he truly was with no judgement. It was almost too much to bear.

To be accepted and loved was such a rare thing.  
And even though Jonah despised being seen by others, he felt as if Barnabas’ perception of him, might be truer than any version he knew people had of him.  
He did not reply and he knew that the man that was currently holding his hand as well as leaning into his touch, did not expect him to answer.

Perhaps it would all be alright.  
His body was no longer the cage it used to be, even if certain things made him still feel so utterly helpless. And perhaps he would not have to worry about ceasing to exist.  
In his mind he leaned forward to kiss death’s lips. And as he did, he felt himself stray further from humanity, Barnabas still watching. Watching him take steps that changed him, watching him grasp at the concept of immortality.  
It made him feel so, so exposed and yet he basked in his gaze.  
He lost himself in the shadows of his eyes, a terrible entrapment that freed him.  
It was nothingness and yet it brought him the most joy.  
Barnabas saw him. He saw him so completely and it terrified him. 

He could not avert his gaze, the only thing he could do was accept Barnabas unspoken invitation, kissing him softly and feeling Barnabas smile against his mouth.

This was so different from any of the attention he had ever gotten. Being the centre of any event wasn’t a problem for him and he certainly did not mind being appreciated, but it was all so shallow. They never saw past his charismatic words, his facade. Not like he let them see either. He did not want them to see. He was the one that saw all the others, he was the one that would expose all their little secrets and their darkest thoughts. This is how he would get them to support his cause. He was the one who would see, not the other way around. 

And yet, having Barnabas, Barnabas so full of genuine affection, see him so fully and completely struck him in a way none of his other confidants could ever possibly hope to.

He let himself have this. Just a little of it. Just until it would get in the way of his plans, but they’re far far away and he has time. He has all the time in the world to spend just a little of it with his companion. Maybe they didn’t have to face the end, maybe it would all work out in Jonah’s favour.

After all, he was the Prince of a Kingdom that was doomed to fall from the beginning.  
A Prince that would be seen by all.  
And when they did,  
he would look back.

**Author's Note:**

> *kisses jonah* i hope he dies 
> 
> i spent more time researching tea and victorian sofas than i have ever on a school project.  
> hmmmmmmmmmm anway, i had a lot of fun writing this and i hope it turned out okay!  
> alternatively this could have been called "evil man gains another evil suitor and thinks about hands"  
> and hhhhhhh i'll be honest i added the ""romance"" as an afterthought
> 
> also this is incredibly self-indulgent, i was feeling very dysphoric when i first started writing this sorry wheeheee


End file.
